Wake up call #2.

A couple of months ago, I wrote my first blog post. Entitled 'DO IT NOW', it was a request for everyone to stop delaying, stop putting things off, stop saying 'later, later'. I was glad to see comments that the message hit home with some of you. Sadly, I have no doubt that procrastination was a huge factor in Rob's very premature death.

In the weeks since he left us, I have had some conversations with other widows, whose husbands or partners also died from heart attacks. I discovered a pattern through those conversations. This may be a huge generalization, but it seems that (many) men have either a fear of doctors, medical tests and check-ups or simply a false sense of invincibility.

What is it about doctors that is so terrifying? Is it a fear of learning that something could be wrong? That there could be trouble ahead? Is it a feeling that 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'? Whatever 'it' is, I wonder if these men have thought about the devastation that would result if something did, indeed break. If it turned out that they weren't invincible after all. Maybe it's time for these men to re-think the whole avoidance-of-doctors thing and consider the unthinkable...what if...before it's too late.

A big thank you...

to those of you who sent love and support to me yesterday and those of you who were there to celebrate the life of an amazing man - Rob. It was very comforting to see so many people there - family, friends and colleagues.

I spoke about the things that were important to us both, and I spoke from my heart. I hope he heard my words. While I am not a religious person, I like to think he knew we were all there for him.

I felt some closure by the end of the day, but today was difficult. Maybe it was the finality of it all, or the unknown that lies ahead for me, or just pure exhaustion. Maybe all three.

My request to postpone my retirement for a few months has been approved, so I'll have something on which to focus my energies and something to keep me busy as I move my life forward.

I'm not sure what comes next, but I'll just figure it out - one day at a time.

Take two.

Shorter than my first post, this one is mainly a thank you - to those who read my first post last Friday and to those who are sending me virtual hugs, words of support and comfort and positive thoughts. I'm very glad that many took my message to heart, understanding that life is way too short to take anything for granted.

Perhaps it is simply the wonder of technology, but I am repeatedly amazed - daily - how connected I feel to my PLN, even though I am here and you are all out there. I cannot imagine having to endure this with only the telephone and mail delivery once per day to feel the love and support from all of you.

Today I wrote the words I will say at Rob's memorial service on Wednesday. It was very difficult to capture 5 1/2 years in a few paragraphs, but it was somewhat cathartic. Even though he's gone, my memories of him and our time together will live on.

Again, I thank you all.

DO IT NOW

This is my very first blog post - on 'Cyndie Uncorked'. You may deduce from the name of the site, that it should be full of content about which I have been waiting to write for a long time. That will, indeed, happen. Sometime down the road.

For today, my first attempt at blogging will be much more reflective, with a bit of sadness.

On Sunday, the love of my life, Rob, died very suddenly. To my knowledge, there was nothing 'wrong' with him physically that may have alerted us to anything problematic. He just said he was feeling a bit weak and tired. 2 minutes later he was consumed by what appeared to me to be a seizure. Apparently, this is what a heart attack looks like. I don't believe he suffered any pain.

It has been almost five days and I'm finding it really confusing to follow my emotions. They range from deep sorrow, to anger, to loving memories of our time together, back to anger and all points in between. Following my emotions is totally exhausting.

My message to any of you who are reading this, is "Don't wait". Don't put off that trip, or redecorating, or updating your eventual wishes, or recognizing the importance of the connection you have to your partner, and connections with your family and friends. Do it all now, before it's too late.

Maybe it's helpful for those of us Rob left behind that it is summer time and our kids are still around to help us through this. My own daughters will be back at university soon, and they will need to be fully present for and committed to that. I'm hopeful that before then, I will find my own lifeline, so that they will feel okay about not being here for me all the time. They need to get on with school and their lives.

I do know that I have a ton of support from my Personal Learning Network - all of you, and for that I am overwhelmed and eternally grateful.

As a last word, for those who say "I'll do it later", please don't wait until then. DO IT NOW!